I was asked a very vague question yesterday.  Probably an extremely normal question in most parenting circles and I do not want to take away from the validity of the question.  However, it was a very strange question for me!  I’ve been radical unschooling for quite some time, I felt a little caught off guard.  Had I been prepared I probably could have given a better more thought out answer, rather than possibly sounding like a jerk.

In regards to my twelve year old, “Does he listen?”

I said, “Well, I don’t tell him what to do.”

The reply, “Yeah, I guess you have to just give up.”

I followed up by saying that I’ve never really told him what to do (since RU anyway) and when I need some help with something I ask, and he’s usually happy to help out.  I also said, “He’s awesome!”

I’ve been playing this over in my mind a bit.  I’m not always the best conversationalist.  That’s a very abrupt answer, for a very honest and serious question.  The problem lies with me, that’s how I see things.

If it hurts when you do that, then don’t do that.

Problem solved.  I’m not terribly analytical if I feel a situation doesn’t require it.  I see things very simply.  Still, it’s sort of painful to know that I could have explained myself better and possibly helped someone in their own tough situation.

First of all, let’s just spit out a disclaimer right here: I’m not perfect.  In times of stress I’ve been known to bring out traditional parenting methods and act like a total ass.  It’s what I do, I’m human and I’m not going to beat myself up over it.  I‘ll just keep moving forward.  Stress is a trigger, and I’ll keep that down to a minimum.

Now, on to the question.  I didn’t give up anything.  I let it go.  It’s different.  To me, giving up means I felt defeated in some way, maybe I felt the situation was impossible.  I let it go.  I let go of the illusion that I actually have control over these children, as if they weren’t their own human beings.  One day, I made a decision about how I felt about controlling others and I worked hard, damn hard, to let it all go.  Remember this post?  It’s when I discovered the magic of letting go.  It is magical.

So in response to “does he listen?”, Yes.  He listens.  He listens to me talk, he listens when I’m feeling particularly uncomfortable about a situation.  He listens and hears me when I feel that I need his help.  He trusts me, he takes me seriously.  He listens when someone is hurting or someone is happy.  He listens to the world around him without a need to block anything out.  Most importantly, I listen to him. I take him and his needs seriously.

I don’t tell my kids what to do.  If I slip, and act like I have some sort of authority over them, they are quick to remind me that I don’t.  I appreciate that so much, sooo much.  I have raised, thus far, confident children who know themselves, each other, and their parents.  They are independent and autonomous.  They are not submissive and they are not subordinate.  They are people, right here and right now.  They know what they want, need, and like.  I can accommodate that.  I can help them, because I’m their mom and it’s my job.

You can find me over at Enjoy Life Unschooling today talking about World of Warcraft and my family.

I’m a Level 39 Gnome Warlock

Enjoy!

Oh look at the beautiful sunset honey. *sigh*

Wow, that cloud is changing shape rapidly. Let's take a closer look.

Dear lord! I think that may be a forest fire!

Yes, that *is* what a forest fire looks like from about 100 miles away (actually I think it’s closer to 40-50 miles upon closer inspection of the map.).  At least I *think* it’s 100 miles or so.  Apparently the Olympic Mountains are so vast that even Google maps can’t calculate the distance.

From what I read a small fire was started on August 5th by lightning.  Rain kept the fire small.  Yesterday, the hot, dry and windy(yes…  I said dry) conditions gave the fire a real boost, up to 120 acres or so.  Today it looks like this.  I’m unsure of the exact details as of this evening other than what I can see out my window.

Now that’s a real life education on fire!

News Story on the Fire

Info on Mt. Hopper

Everyone always asks us if it’s raining here.  As it turns out in the summer, it gets so incredibly dry here that there are burn bans everywhere!  Our grass is almost completely dead!  When the kids turn on the sprinkler, the bugs and the bees come out on full force looking for a drink!

Welcome!  Actually, that wasn’t for you.  It was for me.  I’m welcoming myself back to my blog.  I’ve taken a nice long break from blogging.  I guess that sort of sucks for everyone wondering what the heck we’ve been up to in Seattle!  I’ve taken a short hiatus from writing.  I’ve taken up some other passions like baking (cupcakes duh!) and I started playing World of Warcraft with the boys.  Actually, we are ALL playing WoW now.  It’s a whole other post.

The truth is, life isn’t terribly exciting right now.  It’s definitely not boring…  but it’s not new surprises every day.  Life doesn’t have to be exciting to be full.  For awhile now, I’ve felt quite at peace with our lives and the direction we have all gone in.  There is a calm feeling in our home, it feels happy.  Sure we moved to a new place.  Sure, we *could* find a different activity to do every single day of the week.  Sure, we could go on a different hike, every single day and never go the same spot twice!  The problem with that is this: the kids are perfectly happy to stay home.

I completely 100% respect there decision to stay home a lot.  I have made mistakes here and there, but in reality, if we want to go somewhere and they do not, their decision is completely respected.  I believe they have plenty of time in their young lives to explore and if now is not the right time, then so be it.  They can stay home and play video games or jump on the trampoline.

If I force them to go, do I think they will have fun anyway?  Of course I do!  Kids are readily adaptable to many situations and generally aren’t going to throw themselves a pity party all day long.  (I’m sure some do, I was pretty good at grudging when I was a child!)  What I refuse to do though, is disrespect their freedom to choose for themselves.  That’s not fair.

In some situations, I may encourage an outing, some fresh air, or try and make worth their while by stopping and doing something they would like to do.  On occasion, those gentle nudges can be helpful.  However, if they say no.  I respect that no.  Children have the right to say “no” and have their “no” honored.

Living in the city, I have come across overscheduled children like I have never seen before.  The faster pace of life is new to me, and at first it was a wee bit shocking.  I don’t know if I could mentally handle all of the things that people have their kids doing these days!  I actually consider myself lucky to have some laid back gamers on my hands.

Slowly, we are building relationships with people and activities.  We’re finding friends in unexpected places.  I love keeping a nice slow pace.  Settling in to a new place has taken a long, long time and I see no reason to push it too hard.  My kids are incredibly happy and sociable and do not seem to be suffering any video game brain rot and stunted growth from too much trampoline time.  Huh.  Imagine that.

Welcome back Heather.  Hope you enjoyed you’re time away.  (Talking to yourself in digital format is a whole new level of crazy!)

It’s blackberry season.  My neighbor runs a stand at a bunch of farmer’s markets and sometimes the vendors give him fruits and veggies that won’t last.  He’s just one guy, so he often brings them over here.  15 pints of blackberries later, we’ll never run out of preserves and I developed a new cupcake recipe.  Weird, I know.

Ingredients:

• 1 cup sweet sorghum flour
• 1 cups brown rice flour
• ½ cup potato starch flour
• ¼ cup tapioca flour
• 2 3/4 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp baking soda
• ½ tsp.salt
• 1 tsp xanthan gum
• 1 ½  tsp cinnamon
• ½ tsp nutmeg
• 1 cups white sugar
• 1 cup brown sugar
• ½ cup butter
• 4 egg whites
• 1 ½ tsp vanilla
• 1 ½  cups seedless blackberry puree
• ½  cup water
• 1 tsp apple cider vinegar

Frosting

• 1 lb. cream cheese
• 2 sticks butter
• 1 tsp. vanilla
• 2 tbspn lemon juice
• 1 tsp. fine grated lemon zest
• 5 cups conf. sugar
• 1 tsp. cardamom

Instructions:

1. In large bowl, mix together sweet sorghum flour, brown rice flour, potato starch flour, tapioca flour, white sugar, brown sugar, baking powder, baking soda, salt, xanthan gum, cinnamon, and nutmeg.
2. In a medium bowl mix together sugar and butter together. Beat on medium for 30 seconds or until well mixed.
3. In another medium bowl mix egg whites and vanilla. Beat on medium for 30 seconds or until a little frothy.
4. Add egg mixture to butter and sugar mixture and beat on high for 15-20 seconds.
5. Pour into  large flour bowl. Add blackberry puree, water, and vinegar.  Beat on high for 2 minutes.
6. Fill cupcake papers almost full (remember gluten free cupcakes don’t rise as much)
7. Bake at 350 degrees for 28-34 minutes. Cupcakes are done when middles spring back after being slightly pressed.

Then let me know how they turned out!

I woke up this morning to find this in my inbox.  I’m so happy he participated in our little carnival of love!

I am THAT dad. by TJ Phillips

I:

• Sometimes Ergo (carry) one on my back, while carrying another
• Stay up until 1:00AM, because sometimes that’s the best time for one on one time in a household of 5
• Let my 2 year old jump on the trampoline, with no safety net
• Listen sympathetically when my 5 year old says FUCK, because I know that means he’s legitimately very upset about something
• Hug and kiss my family, and tell every one of them that I love them, every single time I leave the house

He’s not kidding.  He really does never, ever forget.  Even when I do!  I love THAT dad.

I’m writing over at Enjoy Life today.  We all took a family day in downtown Seattle and I had a few thoughts on kindness.  I hope you enjoy it as much as we enjoyed our day together.

An impromptu Unschooling blog carnival.  Please feel free to join.

I:

• read books to my almost 12 year old, because he loves fiction but doesn’t really like to read even though reads quite well.
• stay up past midnight with my 5 year old so he can finish his level in his video game.  He does in fact, get up in the morning.
• scoot down to the end of our bed in the middle of the night to make more room for two smallest children.  I did the same for my oldest, he doesn’t sleep in my bed at 12.
• let the kids stay up as late as they need and sleep in as late as they need and they almost always get enough sleep.
• cook cheeseburgers for breakfast and let them eat cupcakes for dinner.  They are healthy and physically fit.
• created a World of Warcraft account, even though I don’t like video games so I could be closer to my kids.  The jumped for joy when they found out.
• apologize when I am wrong and do not treat them the way they should be treated.  They know I am human.
• stay home, everyday with my children, never wishing they were in school or at daycare. I am more grateful for our relationships than I am of anything else in my entire life.
• I never wish my life was different.  Ever.  I’m not perfect.  Nothing is perfect, but that’s what makes it *my* perfection.  My life just is.

The blog that inspired the carnival

How this impromptu carnival got started

Here is THAT dad!

Oh and don’t forget this here other dad!

This mom let go of a lot of stuff.

This one likes her kids!  *gasp*

This mom know how to have a good time.

This bacon loving momma is at peace with life.

A joyful mom.

Radical Unschooling has hit the media in the worst of ways.  The media describes it as life without books, tests, or school, but they are just missing so much of it.  They are missing the family side of it.  The joy, connection, support, and the connected relationships.  Unschooling won’t work without it.

If you want to add to this list, leave your link in the comments!  Enjoy!

I haven’t been here in awhile.  I have a confession to make.  I’ve done something.  I’ve done something unthinkable.  I found another passion.  I really, really did.  I didn’t find it by thinking about it, or dreaming about it, or wishing I could do it.  It just showed up in my kitchen.

Boston Creme

When I got to Seattle I read an article about all the cupcake shops.  Apparently there are 3 (maybe more) in Seattle alone.  3?  I remember writing several times, in various places, I just don’t get the cupcake thing.  What is going on?  Then as we settled into our house, and I began to get my groove back.  I started baking again.  I’ve always enjoyed baking.  I’ve always enjoyed surprising people who drool over my creations, by telling them later that they are gluten free.

Eventually, I had to make cupcakes.  This cupcake craze isn’t getting any smaller.  I apparently needed to join it.  So I made cupcakes.  Then I made some more.  And more.  Now I really just can’t stop.  I’ve invented several completely original flavors.  Gluten free doesn’t mean tasteless and boring.

Whiskey Carnival

TJ brings my cupcakes to work and shares them with people in his building.  When you make a cupcake and you give it to someone. Do they usually react by saying it’s the best cupcake they’ve ever had?  Do they ask if you sell them?  And do they ask to buy 3 batches to ship to friends in faraway places?  No!  They usually say something like “I Love Cupcakes!  Thanks!”  Then I started thinking that I would love to bake and sell these from my home kitchen.  I love, love, love my kitchen and I love, love, love baking.

Chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate!

So…  there you have it.  That’s where I’ve been.  Baking cupcakes.  And the guys have been happily taste testing devouring all my gluten free goodies.  For now, the gluten free cupcake business is just an embryo.  I’ll keep you posted.

Other things I’ve been doing lately:

Kids Aren’t Allowed to Touch Rocks by Lenore Skenazy (author of Free Range Kids)

But How Do they Learn? another gem from Jeff Sabo unschooling dad.

The Public School Nightmare John Taylor Gatto brings us back to Prussian in this informative article.

Peter Grey Asks For ADD Stories Oh yes, ADD the only disease completely curable by removing the cause, something boring.

The Queen is dead.  Or at least we think she is dead.  A few inspections ago we noticed a Queen cell had formed on the top corner of one of the frames. It’s sort of hard to tell from this picture, but everything we researched told us this was most definitely a Queen cell.

The colony might rear a new Queen, if the current Queen is old, and not laying.  When the Queen mates with the drones, she has the ability to lay a certain amount of fertilized eggs.  Toward the end of her life, she runs out of eggs.  She only mates once.  In order for the colony to survive a new Queen must be born.

What we think we know: A supercedure cell is a large peanut shaped cell that is usually at the top of the frame out of the direct path of the current Queen.  If they are at the bottom of the frame, in the direct path of the Queen and the bees, then those cells might suggest they are going to swarm.

We like to be very hands off with our bees,  it was suggested to us that we rip off and destroy the Queen cell.  However, we decided to leave it.  If we were to take away a supercedure cell, we risk the colony becoming Queenless when the old Queen runs out of eggs or dies.  When TJ did his last inspection we found out that our instincts were right.  The Queen cell was empty and  it has appeared that the  colony has invited new royalty to rule them. Our instincts were right!

Old Queen

New Queen

So, you can tell the difference right?  If you can tell, let us know because we can’t!  Some people mark their Queens, but we’ve decided on using the least invasive and least reliable route to identify our new Queen, our eyesight.  We’re going purely by what we observe.  This week egg production has slowed down which is characteristic of a new virgin Queen.  Once she has her rendezvous with the drones, she will work double time laying eggs for awhile.  Or so we think.

That’s the exciting news from the hive.  Other then the fact that we’ve put on our first honey super!  At the rate they’ve been growing and working, we’ll need the second one in no time.  Those extra honey supers are for our honey. It’s so close I can almost taste it!

Our first year colony will be giving us honey.  That’s fairly uncommon.  First of all, our swarm was huge!  About 6.5 lbs if I remember right.  25,000 bees or so.  Coupled with the fact that we purchased used hives that were already loaded with honeycomb.  That means ours bees didn’t have to spend time building comb, they only had to make repairs to what was there.

Our busy bees.

Is it strange that I’ve come to love the smell of propolis?  Propolis is “bee glue”.  They use it to glue things together and fill in cracks and make repairs.  After TJ does an inspection I always love the way he smells.  I guess I’ll always know what a bee hive smells like now.

You can find me today over at The Mahogany Way for a second guest post.  Darcel asked me to write about living without rules.  I think some unschooled families take great care to not have arbitrary rules and some eschew the term altogether.  Our family, has an approach that I feel rules are completely unnecessary.  It doesn’t mean anything goes.  There are times, that no IS the answer.  There are also times where I will not allow something.  There are reasons I still do not call that rules.  Find out more here:  The Mahogany Way

Hope you enjoy it!