I enjoyed reading the book very much. It’s always nice to read another mother’s unschooling story. Since Laurie is an only child, there is a lack of sibling issues. I find that the dynamic of a one child household is extremely different than a multiple child household. I know my day to day life has vastly changed since I now have 3 children instead of 1. So, i don’t recommend this book for people with large families. The basics are all there, but if you are looking for help with siblings, skip it.
Like I said, I enjoyed it for awhile, and she had me through most of it, until I got to “Toys”. I just couldn’t get on board with some of the comments she made. The first comment that bothered me was, “There are very few toy purchases that I would justify now including the ones that Laurie was given.” and “If I were to furnish a toy room for a child now the only things I would be a few dolls, cars, action figures, and blocks.” I feel like those are strange statements in the context of unschooling. I felt like she was saying that they value of the joy a child gets from a toy is directly related to how much money was spent on the toy.
She also says that “Large toy stores and media have made us think our children need every new thing that becomes available.” I don’t think so. I don’t believe that. My children don’t believe that. I would take a gander in saying that a child who needs every new thing on the market is probably regularly denied anything new when he feels that he needs it. I do understand where she is coming from. It’s hard to watch cheaply made toys break after only a few minutes, but I know for a fact that Milo has more fun with his $0.99 airplane than he has with some of his “nicer” things.
Valerie also goes on to make the blanket statement, “Children are happier with less”. I have one child who is concerned with quality, and another who is concerned with quantity. One wants a “really nice camera” and the other wants 250 Power Rangers and 45 Thomas trains. I don’t see an issue with that. I will help them both meet their needs the best that I can.
Overall, the book is great. Valerie tells their story of successes, mistakes and even a few regrets in a nice easy to read format. I think any newbie unschooler would be appreciative of the advice, but regarding toys, I think she’s a bit biased.
The other day we were at the beach. I saw a 12 or 13 year old boy walk by me with what looked like Milo’s plastic airplane. He returned empty handed. It looked as if he stole and hid Milo’s airplane but I wasn’t entirely sure. When Milo and the other boys returned form the sand without the airplane I knew it was his. I don’t think he realized it was missing at the time. I decided not to confront the situation, thinking it’s only an $0.99 airplane.
A little while later, I remembered how much Milo LOVES that airplane and I confronted the young kid. I can’t even imagine why he would steal toys form a 4 year old, but I did get it back. I don’t measure toys value by anything other than how much value they have to my children. I don’t care where they came from, how much it cost, or how many there are. I care about what they care about, even the $0.99 airplane. If I were to furnish a child’s playroom I would fill it with the toys the child wants and dreams about. Not what I think will have value.
Yeah, after I re-read the chapter this afternoon…I figured that was the "issue". I totally agree with you. My kids have varied interests, and each child's interests vary greatly by day! We have a vast collection of toys, and we frequently swap them out (only about 1/2 of our toys are in the playroom at a time).
And, I TOTALLY agree with you about the one child vs. multiple children families. I have four children (age 7 and under), and I had the same thoughts when I initially read the book. When I first read the book (2 years ago, maybe?), I "only" had three kids, and I wished for some tips on unschooling with many kids at once. At that time, I was an unschooler, but this is one of the books that got my mind thinking more like a "radical" unschooler (the other was "Parenting a Free Child: An Unschooled Life" by Rue Kream). I appreciate both for the intro to more radical unschooling, but I wanted MORE. I'm still searching!
~Tracey (@AutodidactMama)
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that IS interesting, about how she views toys. our daughter (7) LOVES toys – the ones that she can really get creative with. she often makes her own toys. she was elated when i finally said ok to barbies. why did she want them? to design clothes for. kids are so smart.
glad you got the airplane back!
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I read this book soon after we discovered unschooling. I don't remember this chapter at all though. I do remember really like the ideas in the book, especially since they were all pretty new to me at that point and I felt she presented them very well.
A friend recently read the book then found the daughters blog. She said she found it interesting her views on children as a grown woman – my friend said she seemed very against having children (anyone having children, not just having children herself). Sounded strange but I've never looked into finding her blog myself. Things that make ya go hmm…
~Tara
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This has been an issue I've thought a lot about because many of my friends are strict about Waldorf/wooden/natural materials only with their toys. It's always come down to my gut, which tells me that providing my children with what they're interested in, within our means, is important.
I have *many* hangups about China-made, plastic, made-to-break stuff, be it toys for my kids or items for me. What I do with that is let my children see what I buy for me and *why* I buy or don't buy certain things (when they ask questions) and let them buy what they want with no judgment or value attached to their purchases.
That's worked well for us. I truly enjoy the pleasure my children take from their toys.
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I like your style. If I had to furnish a toy room, it'd be filled with shiny things video games.
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Thanks for the feedback. I'm glad I'm not the only one who viewed that as funny.
Here's something interesting too. I went to KMart the other day, specifically for cheap beach toys knowing they would be on sale. (We don't really have much other shopping here.) Anyway I purchased a wagon full of buckets, shovels, shapes, maybe it had 10 pieces all together. As we left the store, Skylar noticed the tag. It said "American Plastic Toys". Immediately his skeptical little self thought it MUST be untrue. But it's not! They were REALLY made in the USA. I was was fairly happy about that.
So… plastic toys, just as cheaply made as China, at Kmart and WalMart and a bunch of other common retailers. http://www.americanplastictoys.com/ I feel this is something we should pay attention to, especially with half of our products coming from China.
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Heather, another perspective comes from the five love languages. Even though you're not supposed to use them to label youngsters, my wife pointed out that our son seems to have Receiving Gifts as a preferred way of getting love. That puts a whole new spin on saying no to junk food and toys the parents don't value. I'm really struggling with it because my values basically consist of "it's good to go without". But I'm trying to remember that a steady stream of inexpensive purchases will not bust the budget, but will make our son much happier.
I agree with you about cheap toys. But I have seen a simple $5-7 toy provide two or three weeks of fun before it breaks. Since interest in a toy wanes over time anyway that's not a bad cost per week.
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Funny that you mention that Walt. I will admit I didn't read that book cover to cover, every word. I skimmed much of it, and got the basic point.
I am a "receiving gifts" person. I always have been. I've used to be so ashamed of it, since materialism is basically shunned by most people. But for whatever reason, I like presents. Of course, I USED to be ashamed. I am not anymore. It's just the way I am. I much prefer a gift to sweet words or hugs. Just ask my husband.
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It doesn't always have to be diamonds and fancy electronics. I won Heather over with a fistful of dandelions.
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A great post always generates comments, and you have lots of them here! We have Waldorf friends and NONE of the neighborhood kids like to go to their house, because it's boring. I am not saying they shouldn't be able to entertain themselves, but if your house has basically nothing in it to welcome children, the children won't come. These same kids run to our house every chance they get, and drive my kids crazy asking questions about every single thing in our house. Of course, I spent almost 4 hours yesterday throwing broken old plastic toys away. So yes, buy the toys and invite the neighbors over. My father once bought me the entire top 40 records of the week and I remember it, appreciate it, and still love music!
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I'm so with you here. I had forgotten that chapter. I too have kids with very different perspectives on this – one a collector and one all about quality. I heard an artist speak once about how his father wouldn't buy him any toys, would only help him make anything he wanted himself. He credits this for sparking his artistic/inventing career. He was all about the less is more. I wonder how limiting him could have limited his view or given him guilt about having more in his life. He is a struggling artist who is amazingly talented. Interesting.
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