Hey Dad, It’s me Reagan.
I just wanted to thank you for leaving me with your sister for the holidays. I tried to let Linky Soda know who was top dog around here, but he doesn’t seem to mind in the slightest while I’m humping his head. So just to be sure he got the point, I pissed in the hallway.
Your sister doesn’t seem to understand that I am afraid of the dark. That’s why I shit on the floor the first night I was here.
The second night I was here, it was really fackin’ cold out and I couldn’t get to sleep because the ginger kid doesn’t sleep at night. So I tried to bite him, and then I shit on HIS floor.
This morning I didn’t even want to wake up. That baby thing is loud and smelly. He had the audacity to shit in his pants and then try to pet me. So I bit him.
On top of all that, Linky Soda is always stealing my toys, so you’d think they would have gotten me a new one for Christmas. But did they? NO. They didn’t. I got nothing. So… I shit on THEIR floor.
I’m having a wonderful time, I mean, it’s not like I haven’t been ditched, 2, 3, or 4 times before. It stings a little less each time. Happy Holidays. You prick.
