What Would You Do If You Couldn’t Fail?

I guess that’s a silly question because you certainly *can* fail. Fail Blog has proved this in 365 pages and counting. Not only can you fail, you can also EPIC fail as proved by Epic Fail in 121 pages and counting. Obviously, these sites are for amusement and don’t exactly represent the failure I am speaking of. I’m really talking about that deep rooted sense of pure failure. What the question shortens up is, “What would you do if you weren’t taught since you were a tiny little child to fear the possibility of failure?”

The culture of school (and many an adolescence) tells us that there are only two options. We either Pass or we Fail. Of course there are sometimes varying degrees of Pass, but a Fail pretty much feels the same no matter how bad. It doesn’t matter how you sugarcoat grading systems either. My younger twin siblings, now 16, received a 1,2,3, or a 4 as a grade in Intermediate school as an attempt to do away with the stigma of grades. I can’t imagine that 1 felt much different than the F other kids are getting. I’m also quite certain that it’s an insult to a child’s intelligence when you tell him he didn’t fail just because he got a Frog and everyone else got an Alligator.

One evening a few nights ago I was sitting in our Suburban at the grocery store watching a young man, maybe 16, collect carts from the parking lot. He looked bored and unhappy and I immediately became curious about his real dreams. What it was he *really* wanted to do and why he wasn’t doing it? I’d be awfully surprised if he said “collecting grocery carts from a parking lot”. Why is it more important to just get any old job than to seek that which which brings you joy? Who knows, that might lead into a job doing what you love! Almost unheard of!

Our life is almost a grand experiment. I say almost because there are many who have traveled down this road before. Our life is free from grades, tests, scores, or having to “measure up” in some way. Any pressure my kids feel to succeed is a pressure they have chosen to put on themselves. I use Skylar’s love of wrestling as an example. He chooses to be there and to compete because it’s fun for him. It’s human nature to seek joy. However, after spending a lifetime in an institution that is constantly testing you, grading you, and urging you to measure up it becomes near impossible to even remember what you love to do. The fear of failure practically cancels out freedom of choice. My hope for my children is that they grow up and live their adult lives doing what brings them satisfaction and joy. I hope their decisions aren’t impeded by fear but, supported by a love of learning.

A recent Facebook status of a friend asked, “…I know most of you have careers etc. but if money/education/starting over wasn’t an issue, what would you be if you could do it all over?” I replied that it wasn’t, and is never too late to follow her dreams. However, I immediately wondered what caused this person to head down a path they were second guessing. Then a few others posted their dream jobs. Many people take life and career paths that aren’t their first choice because they have a need for measurable success. Often it’s someone else, like a teacher or a parent, who has defined for them what it means to be successful.

I suggest that failure doesn’t exist. It only exists in the minds of those who project it and those who fear it. Failure is a state of mind, not a fact. Dr. Judith Rich published an article in the Huffington Post that suggests, “No matter how complicated and difficult the dance on the tightrope may seem, remember, Love is always present. There is nothing to fear. You cannot fall. Rest in this Love.” The article although somewhat abstract, encourages us to step out of the box, love ourselves, and try something different. She asks, “And what about you? What if you knew you could not fail? What dance would you be dancing right now in your life? And what are you waiting for?”