Feeling Good About Consuming Children (I didn’t mean it THAT way, why would you even go there?)

Once upon a time, TJ and I had a tiny little house and not so much stuff.  Well, it was a lot of stuff but compared to what we have now, it wasn’t so much stuff.  As time went on and babies were born, and we became more financially stable, our houses got bigger and our stuff seemed to experience exponential growth.  That would be good for stuff if it was a business or a human baby but it’s not, its stuff.  It’s just stuff and it will always be stuff.  Some, of this stuff is very important to me.  Like this computer that I do my writing on.  Most of this stuff, is *not* important to me, like the large mason jars I bought to keep my flours in.  The tea set my grandmother brought me home from China when I was a little girl is important to me.  Ugly celestial mirror I bought when I was in my early twenties, not important to me.  Why have I held on to that for so long?  So. Much. Stuff.

• Total stuff count = 11

When we moved in here, we had no stuff.  For one week, we lived in this house with necessities only.  No furniture, no dishes, only a bed and the toys we travelled with.  It was strange how liberating that one week was!  Of course the move was stressful and we longed for some chairs to sit in, but otherwise…  I felt free from much of the stuff that drags me down on a daily basis.  The more stuff we have the more I have to clean.  The more stuff we have the more furniture I need to put it in or on.  The more stuff we have the more stuff we have to move around when we rearrange or move again.  This is a rental, there is no guarantee that we will stay here with all of this stuff.

• Total stuff count = 18

It cost us thousands of dollars to have our stuff moved here.  Before anyone goes thinking we just had that in our pockets to throw at movers…  it was a large part of what we made when we sold our home.  The expense was worth it to us to have someone else drive our stuff across the country.  I would never go back and change that decision.  In fact, it was one of the best decisions we’ve ever made in regards to our stuff.  What I do go back and think about is how much money we could have saved if we had been more willing to get rid of stuff.  We did purge what we felt was a LOT of stuff, but not enough stuff. I find all this stuff overwhelming.  I don’t like taking care of all this stuff.

• Total stuff count = 26

See how fast stuff accumulates?

“Unnecessary possessions are unnecessary burdens. If you have them, you have to take care of them! There is great freedom in simplicity of living. It is those who have enough but not too much who are the happiest.” – Peace Pilgrim

I Like to Buy Shit

I’m afraid that in the midst of acquiring all of our possessions, we haven’t done a very good job of showing our children how to be responsible consumers.  I’m just talking about buying or acquiring things and bringing them into our homes.  Frankly, I just like to buy shit.  I’m not going to try and analyze *why* I like to buy shit, I just do!  Now, as an unschooling family, it seems that our lives have become much more full of stuff than ever before.  I have a tendency to see things that other people in my family might like and I buy it!  However, now we own it, we have to take care of it, move it, use it, fix it, donate it, sell it or throw it away.  It’s not a bad thing to think of and buy gifts for others, but thinking about the purchases I make is a good thing.  Having to move all of my shit across the country really has made me think more about the way all that stuff makes me feel and how it affects my life.

Just the other day, we received a coupon in the mail for a free kitchen compost bin.  I showed TJ, and he said “Sure.  Why not?  It’s free!”  Well, we don’t NEED it.  We already have a kitchen composter.  Free doesn’t mean we need it!  We *could* get it for someone else, but ALL of Seattle received the same coupon.  I can’t imagine how many of those will go unused, and end up in the trash.

Here are some things we can all think about before making purchases and bringing new things into our homes (or getting rid of things we already have and don’t need).

• Want?  Need?  Both? Some people think needs are food, clothing, and shelter.  In today’s advanced world, the needs list often gets longer and longer in order to provide your self with those first needs.  So… what are they?  Are they wants or are they needs?  I think it’s important to know the difference in times of economic strife or public emergency.  What is equally important is that we are learning to meet our other needs and wants in a responsible way.
• Borrow? If something I need is only going to be used temporarily or a few times, can I borrow it?  I don’t know many people here yet, but eventually this might be easier.
• Buy Used! A great way to save money and recycle! This pattern we’ve gotten ourselves into is unhealthy.  It seems like everything these days is disposable!  We should use something until the end of its life, even if its purpose changes.
  • Rummage Sales My only problem with rummage and garage sales is that I often come home with things I don’t need!  Otherwise it’s great for finding things the kids need or want to.  The kids can also purchase things they find interesting.
  • Freecycle Freecycle is amazing.  We got Skylar a bike, TJ some ski’s and Milo a remote control car.  That’s probably almost a thousand dollars in savings because we were willing to get it used.
  • Craigslist We are selling our KitchenAid mixer on Craigslist because I’ve only used it twice.  I learned that I much prefer to make things by hand.  We accepted a lower offer than we were asking.  Then he came back with an even lower offer and said if we didn’t sell it to him, then he was going to buy a new one.  What???  He was willing to spend an extra 100 dollars for a new one?  That’s just plain silly.
  • Goodwill Of course Goodwill isn’t the only place that takes donations, but donating old unused items can breathe new life into something that someone else can use.  I also find great deals on things I might need.
• Bulk or Convenience? This can depend on personal philosophies.  Sometimes, buying bulk goes against buying local, unless someone locally carries bulk food.  Buying bulk can save time, money, and gas. We buy organic rice, oatmeal, and some household products in bulk.  We also buy some of the kid’s favorite snacks in bulk.  Which they absolutely love!
• DVDs: Rent or Buy? 3 words. Netflix, Netflix, Netflix.
• Video Games: Rent, Buy or Borrow? I like the idea behind Gamefly and it works for many people.  For us, it’s expensive.  But if the kids really want a game, we can often find it used or even borrow it from a friend.

We’re trying to downsize our possessions.  I know…  you’d think we would have done a better job of that before we moved, but we didn’t.  It was just so hard to let go.  Together, TJ and I have had the realization that we just have so much stuff we don’t use.  We want to simplify our lives and too much stuff makes our lives feel complicated, as I know it does for many people.

Honoring Your Child’s Need for Stuff

Of course this feeling of having too much stuff doesn’t apply to everyone, namely our children.  It’s not ok to get rid of their things without their permission.  One of our boys has very strong attachments to his things and the mere thought of getting rid of any one of them is too much for him to handle.  Although the others attachments aren’t as strong they are just as important.  What we want to do is promote responsibility in day to day living, by being responsible consumers ourselves.

Be Creatively Generous

I was once guilty of buying books but not “useless” toys.  At least I thought they were useless.  Now, when I shop with my children, I usually plan for buying them something.  Depending on how much money I have to spend, I let them know ahead of time, or we talk about options for saving up for what they want.  My boys need to know that I truly care about their needs.  Even if I don’t feel like they need it, they do.  For example, Skylar *really* wants a new video game.  Money is really tight right now, so we have to get creative.  We talk about how we can raise, make, and save for his game.  He’s not terribly interested in working or saving for the game.  That’s OK too.  I know he really wants it and I’ll probably get creative and find a way to get it for him because I love him, not because he needs to learn anything.  I *could* force the lesson of saving his money and doing odd jobs.  But it’s not a lesson he cares to learn at the moment, he learns those things in plenty of other ways.  What he wants is to learn about this game he’s been drooling over for awhile.

Won’t They Be Spoiled?

No.  Fruits spoil.  Vegetables spoil.  Milk spoils.  Children do not spoil.  How can a child become a good consumer if you don’t allow him to consume?  Limiting purchases for the sake of not spoiling a child will do the very same thing that limiting popsicles will.  They’ll binge as soon as they are away from you.  It’s no wonder so many young people are so terrible with money.

They are also using these wants and needs to communicate with you.  No… money can’t buy love…  but when we find a way to help our children get what they want we are showing them that we care about them and their needs.  ­­­­­Children will learn about consumerism by living in a world full of it and by watching those around them consume.  Not by being restricted from being consumers themselves.

“It is impossible to treat a child too well. Children are spoiled by being ignored too much or by harshness, not by kindness.” – Sloan Wilson