I’ve been sick for the last week or so.  I must have picked something up from the UWWG, since I started feeling badly as soon as I got home.  I will affectionately label this one as the “conference crud”.  At least one of us gets it after each conference.  I’ve been so tired, and not really wanting to do more than sit on the computer and veg out.  With these three boys, you can only imagine what our home looks like!  Our basement, which also happens to be the playroom, looked like someone had turned it upside down and shook it out onto the floor.  Not getting it?  Let me see if I can help you conjure up a nice visual.  OK so, our playroom, ate your playroom and then vomited all over my house.  How’s that?

I am feeling so much better today, thanks to the passing of time and possibly Dana Ellis’ magic soup (that she hand delivered, along with some of her fine coffee – how’s THAT for service)!  I went into the basement this morning knowing I was going to finally clean it, and I wound up thinking about how in years past cleaning a house this size (2100 sq. ft.) would have completely overwhelmed me.  I might have done it, but not without complaining, possibly some whining, and certainly not without bitching about the mess to whichever family member happened to be lucky enough to be within earshot.  I’ve learned that in order to not become overwhelmed with the housecleaning, I needed to make it more manageable.  There are a few things I do in my home that help me tremendously.

Shelves, bins, and baskets. I don’t really like the word messy.  I haven’t come up with anything better, but when you are home a lot, things get messy, really messy.  It’s a lived-in house.  Parents who send their children to school have a much easier time keeping their house clean because no one is *in* the house all day.  All over my house there are shelving units, bins, and baskets.  Personally, I like it when everything has its own place.  It’s the only way I feel organized.  Granted, nothing seems to ever BE in its place but, at least it HAS a place!  Having lots of shelves, bins and baskets ensures that the toys always have a place to go, and I can keep the clutter organized.  It also makes for a super fast clean-up if and when I need to.

Space Management. It’s overwhelming to look at an entire house or an entire playroom and think about the house cleaning that needs to be done.  When I went downstairs this morning to pick up, I started in one corner and worked my way through the room.  I work from the top down and in 3ft. x 3ft. squares.  No, I don’t get out a measuring tape, I just sort of visualize a small square to clean and I clean it.  Then, I move on to the next square.  By cleaning small chunks at a time, I feel productive and I can actually *see* the cleaning that is happening vs. running all over the room picking up random objects.  When I clean that way, I become overwhelmed and easily frustrated because nothing ever seems to look any different!

Vacuum as you go (or sweep or dust): After I’ve cleaned a space I tend to vacuum (or sweep) it.  Even if it’s a little space.  It helps  motivate me to keep going and there is no reason a small part of the room can’t look nice.  I do the same for shelves or the kitchen counters.  I clean, square by square, and after a few squares I wash the shelves.  They always look so nice and shiny.  I need that instant gratification, even if tiny.

Know your limits. Everyone is different.  I can clean all day, some people can only clean for short periods of time.  Flylady has the greatest idea of using 15 minute timers for cleaning.  For people who absolutely hate cleaning, picking something small, and setting a timer for 15 minutes is a great idea.  This doesn’t work for everyone, and Flylady sends out so many emails a day, her program isn’t realistic for everyone.  When I start feeling frustrated or fed-up, that’s my cue to stop cleaning and find something enjoyable to do for awhile before I go back to it.  There is no hard and fast rule that I have to clean in a bad mood.

Change your perspective: When my house is especially cluttered, I think to myself that the kids must have been learning a lot.  When the dishes are all dirty, I think about how much they’ve grown and I break out the paper stuff instead.  When the laundry is piled up high, I am thankful the kids are changing into clean clothes!  My house has people in it.  Happy, busy people who leave things everywhere.  I am thankful they are here.  I always feel it’s a good idea to set myself up for success.  When I find myself seeing housework as drudgery then I find a way to make it pleasant. Music is one of my best cleaning tools.  Some people love scented candles, or nice smelling cleaner.  Maybe you want some nice soft cleaning rags.  At the UWWG, I heard Kelly Lovejoy recommend to someone who didn’t like washing dishes, getting some nice dishes, something you love that is nice to touch and wash.  That is a GREAT idea.  Make the experience pleasurable and you will find it easier to change your perspective. Mary Poppins wasn’t wrong when she said, “In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun”.

Lower your expectations: Especially when kids are little!  We are home a lot more, our home is USED for a lot more.  I allow it to be “lived in”.  Perfectly neat and tidy homes are boring anyway.

Whenever I’m feeling negative about something, I stop and ask myself, Why?  Why am I feeling this way?  Many of us were brought up with forced chores and/or the ideal that the house *must* be clean and that has left so many of us with feelings of resentment or anger over the housework.  But WHY should housecleaning be so negative?  By cleaning, I am expressing love for my home, love for my family, and love for myself.  I truly believe the more work I put in when they are little the less I’ll be doing when they are older.  I’m already seeing evidence of that with my eleven year old, who is more and more happy to help out when I need him to.  It’s hard when they are little to keep a tidy home but, they will grow up someday and I might miss them being little.

If you have any tips that make housework more efficient or enjoyable, I’d love to hear them.

I guess that’s a silly question because you certainly *can* fail. Fail Blog has proved this in 365 pages and counting. Not only can you fail, you can also EPIC fail as proved by Epic Fail in 121 pages and counting. Obviously, these sites are for amusement and don’t exactly represent the failure I am speaking of. I’m really talking about that deep rooted sense of pure failure. What the question shortens up is, “What would you do if you weren’t taught since you were a tiny little child to fear the possibility of failure?”

The culture of school (and many an adolescence) tells us that there are only two options. We either Pass or we Fail. Of course there are sometimes varying degrees of Pass, but a Fail pretty much feels the same no matter how bad. It doesn’t matter how you sugarcoat grading systems either. My younger twin siblings, now 16, received a 1,2,3, or a 4 as a grade in Intermediate school as an attempt to do away with the stigma of grades. I can’t imagine that 1 felt much different than the F other kids are getting. I’m also quite certain that it’s an insult to a child’s intelligence when you tell him he didn’t fail just because he got a Frog and everyone else got an Alligator.

One evening a few nights ago I was sitting in our Suburban at the grocery store watching a young man, maybe 16, collect carts from the parking lot. He looked bored and unhappy and I immediately became curious about his real dreams. What it was he *really* wanted to do and why he wasn’t doing it? I’d be awfully surprised if he said “collecting grocery carts from a parking lot”. Why is it more important to just get any old job than to seek that which which brings you joy? Who knows, that might lead into a job doing what you love! Almost unheard of!

Our life is almost a grand experiment. I say almost because there are many who have traveled down this road before. Our life is free from grades, tests, scores, or having to “measure up” in some way. Any pressure my kids feel to succeed is a pressure they have chosen to put on themselves. I use Skylar’s love of wrestling as an example. He chooses to be there and to compete because it’s fun for him. It’s human nature to seek joy. However, after spending a lifetime in an institution that is constantly testing you, grading you, and urging you to measure up it becomes near impossible to even remember what you love to do. The fear of failure practically cancels out freedom of choice. My hope for my children is that they grow up and live their adult lives doing what brings them satisfaction and joy. I hope their decisions aren’t impeded by fear but, supported by a love of learning.

A recent Facebook status of a friend asked, “…I know most of you have careers etc. but if money/education/starting over wasn’t an issue, what would you be if you could do it all over?” I replied that it wasn’t, and is never too late to follow her dreams. However, I immediately wondered what caused this person to head down a path they were second guessing. Then a few others posted their dream jobs. Many people take life and career paths that aren’t their first choice because they have a need for measurable success. Often it’s someone else, like a teacher or a parent, who has defined for them what it means to be successful.

I suggest that failure doesn’t exist. It only exists in the minds of those who project it and those who fear it. Failure is a state of mind, not a fact. Dr. Judith Rich published an article in the Huffington Post that suggests, “No matter how complicated and difficult the dance on the tightrope may seem, remember, Love is always present. There is nothing to fear. You cannot fall. Rest in this Love.” The article although somewhat abstract, encourages us to step out of the box, love ourselves, and try something different. She asks, “And what about you? What if you knew you could not fail? What dance would you be dancing right now in your life? And what are you waiting for?”